The
how are you
Diary
from $250
a visit into past
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2023
I am life.
That’s what I’ve been told. That’s what I’ve read.
It makes sense to me, and even though it sounds so wonderful – a place where you are whole, at peace, lighting up the world – I just can’t fully grasp it. I feel pain. I feel sadness. It’s inside of me right now. I am envious of the enlightened. I want that. I really do. I can just imagine the peace, no pain, no suffering, no more lingering sadness. A place where you are whole, you don’t need anything else and it doesn’t feel like anything is missing.
My heart aches, sometimes it feels like a strong longing, I resist what is. I resist what is, and I try everything to be free. I want to be. I ask myself what I can do, I beg God to free me, but somehow it doesn’t work. What is missing?
Life is in every one of us, in everything that exists. Life is a constant factor, it never leaves, nor does it change. Life never dies. I am alive. I exist. I am here.
It feels so negative and it scares me to think that what I am feeling is real. Is this me? Am I that? I don’t want to be.
Somehow I know I’m not negativity, I am the observer of it. If I were negativity, I wouldn’t exist. I know I am life, I am presence because it is eternal. It is constant. Feelings, thoughts, they shift, they change, but I remain constant. My physically body changes, but I remain constant. Everything outside of me changes, but I remain constant. What exactly am I?
Pain varies, it takes different forms and strengths. Although peace is not created. Non-peace is created. When we stop creating non-peace, there is peace. Peace is constant. It is underneath every non-peace. Just like silence allows every sound to be. And space allows every object to be.
Searching for answers all the time. Every decision we make is for our freedom of suffering. How can I become free? I know there is nothing I need to reach or change to become free, because freedom simply is. Freedom is unlimited, there is no boundary, it is eternal.
Really and truly there is no point in suffering, you can find all answers in freedom, in life, in space, in silence, in peace. Freedom, life, peace, space, silence are the answers to everything. They are underlying everything. Underneath everything. The one constant factor. Factor unlimited.
Why suffer? To reach something, to receive something? Suffering limits you. Suffering is limited, suffering takes time. Maybe you suffer for a few minutes, hours, or months. Suffering contracts your whole being. It keeps you captive in the same old, or new, cycle.
Underneath all the suffering is peace unlimited. We are underneath the suffering because if we were the suffering we wouldn’t exist. We are unlimited. We are free. From this freedom, peace, life, space and silence, everything is created. Everything sense-perceived is created. We are underneath the senses, we observe them, if we were the senses we wouldn’t exist. We would be like walking skeletons.
If there were a walking skeleton, it would mean that life is inside him. But we don’t experience walking skeletons because the life is already outside of them. Now you may ask if there is such thing as life after death, or you may ask where the life has gone. But let me ask you this: Is life ever visible?
Life is invisible, there is nothing attached, nothing created. Life creates.
I was trying to find the perfect ending for this, but there is no perfect ending because something can always be added or taken away from this. This is not constant, it is an open ending. Unlike life, which is constant, unchangeable, unlimited and whole. And I am life. You are life. Constant.
Whenever something in my life happens or changes, I remain constant. Because I am life. Life remains unchanged. Therefore enlightened people are in oneness, whole and not influenced by changes in their lives. They have realized they are life. They are now in the state of their true nature, their truth. They now live as the constant which they are. Embodied in it. They are it. We are it too, only unrealized.
April 2020
I hate covid
I hate that Cole and Melody can’t come
I hate to have no friends here
I hate not being able to feel alive
I hate the feeling of dreaming the whole time
I hate my dreams
I hate it
I hate everything
I just hate
I hate not being able to see properly
I hate forgetting so many things
I hate my class
I hate not being free
I HATE
I want Melody and Cole to come
I want to go to Germany
I want Mila and Linus with me
I want to feel alive
I want to finally not be stuck in a damn dream
I want to be happy
I want to leave this world, to gather answers and come back then
I want to be fully there
I want to see properly again
I want to know everything again and be good in Maths
I want to do something
I want to have something to do
I want to go to Germany forever, feel alive again and have good friends, but at the same time continue gathering experiences and be happy
I want to be free
I HATE E V E R Y T H I N G
February 2020
Hello, today I am going to talk about Bullying.
Bullying means to purposely try to hurt someone else. There are different reasons why individual people might bully but they are doing it for a function. It is hurtful, often repeated and deliberate.
Some of you might have experienced something to do with bullying because, bullying happens all around the world, it happens in schools, jobs or even in homes and in lots of other places. It might have even happened in your classroom!
According to my research, 20% of children that are bullied repeatedly, stay away from school. 50% considered staying away from school. 40% boys and 25% girls are bullied weekly and do not tell their friends.
When children are younger, they don’t understand the concept of bullying. Between the ages seven and eight, they usually begin to understand what bullying is and what it means.
But Why do we bully? Why does it happen in so many places? How does it start? And Why do we get involved?
You can find people who are sad in themselves behind every corner, because there is always a person where something in their lives isn’t fulfilled, where something is missing… Sometimes people start bullying when they are “friends” with a bully. They might feel they have to bully because they don’t want to be bullied themselves or their “friends” make them do it. This is called peer-pressure, which has a huge influence on bullying.
We should think about; why bullies start to bully…They all have a reason why they do it. A lot of times we try to help the people that are being bullied, but we should also help the people that are bullying, because those are the people that can have the most sadness in themselves, those are the people that may not have anybody to talk with, those are the people that may feel alone and those are the people that we should help before anybody else. We should help the people that bully because when they stop bullying other people, then the people that were bullied wouldn’t be targeted anymore. Which means bullying itself wouldn’t exist.
Often bullies start bullying because something in their lives is missing, there is a NEED unfulfilled. So they might think, that when they pick an easy target to let their emotions out on, they may feel happier. And an easy target could be a person that is shy or kind, because the bullies may THINK that these people won’t say or do anything back to them. Bullies may think this is the right way to get rid of their emotions, but research shows that this is usually not the right way. It shows that this is not always the right way to get rid of these (negative) emotions that they built up inside of them!
In my research, I have discovered that; one way of CHANGING these emotions from negative to positive ones, is by; going back into that situation where they FIRST felt these emotions, which is usually in their childhood. Then…, change that situation in a way that all their negative emotions –from that situation- changed to positive ones. And keep working and working UNTIL those negative emotions are changed!
Once they are FULLY changed; They should realise that they don’t need a target to let their emotions out on, they don’t NEED someone else to feel better….NO, they can do it in themselves!
Having listened to my speech, I would like you to think about this issue that occurs around the world and to remember that there are solutions that we can use, to solve it!
Thank you for listening!
March 2021
They are all the same, but so different. One grows taller than the next. One sees more than the other. They all watch the light, but some get blinded by it until night.
It is a story told by me and represented by the tree.
You may scream and shout with everything you’ve got inside of you, and you may not be heard. It is as if your body moves in the direction of someone or something but you are stuck to the ground.
All you can visualise is darkness. The grief, like gravity, it pulls you to the centre of the earth.
Its roots are buried in the soil. Deep down you can make out every single one’s journey. Each one has a story to tell. Each one wants to be seen, to be heard. But not every living thing takes the time to find that out. As the roots cannot be spotted easily, not everyone knows what they’re capable of. Not a single person knows how special they are and not anyone listens to what they have got to say.
People pass by daily. From the outside they look at how beautifully the tree has grown. In reality, they have no idea what is going on inside of it. The tree feels lonely. Lonely, even though so many souls are around it.
It was at the deepest of the deepest. The tree was at its lowest. It didn’t know what was to come. It couldn’t think of how to live another day. Surrounding it was nothing but darkness. There was no light near, to be seen.
Although this powerful tree has went through so much, – more than anyone would like to believe,- ‘giving up’ was not an option. The tree was strong. Stronger than people thought, so it fought its way out of the grief, the depression it was in.
When the sunrise was a mirroring reflection on the lake, the tree got an answer. An answer it did not know it was looking for. It realised that it had to go through this alone. No-one was capable of helping it. No-one was able to help it out of its current state. The tree had to be alone. It had to feel this way and experience what he did, to then learn from it. The tree wasn’t allowed to be helped, as that was its task. Its task was to do this by himself, so he will be able to fulfil his dreams for the future.
The tree was granted a huge gift. One he did not know he had for years. It was an incredibly special tree. As hard as it was for him to live through these experiences, they were the start of his life. The important start, also called: ‘The Challenging Start’, was the guide to his wonderful, colourful future. The future that holds the bright pink blossoms. The blossoms that will- one day- be seen by million others.
By,
Leona McDonagh