Diary Entry 9 June 2020
After more than three years I can finally see my friend again. My – since 4 years – pen pal, Mila and I, have planned to meet up during the summer holidays. We go to Germany once a year and every time we tried to meet, but it never really worked out. It could be, that I didn’t really want to and then never made concrete plans, even though Mila really wanted to meet up with me. But now it is somehow different. Even though we are so far away from each other, we are so close. We write letters every 2 to 3 weeks and now the time has come, to really meet.
Due to Covid, most things were cancelled and she is home most of the time, so there probably isn’t a better chance to meet her than now. So we shouldn’t waste it. I must say it’s also very weird and unfamiliar, as I haven’t met up with anyone in over three years.
In school I don’t have any friends and get bullied. I can’t speak to anyone my age about my problems, thoughts, sorrows or anything else. Except with Mila, per letter. That was and is always nice, but I somehow do miss speaking to someone who’s right by my side, or having a friend to be silly with, to have fun with, to sit beside in school and talk to. I don’t and didn’t find it terrible, but it is important to at least have someone, and in Ireland I don’t have anyone. I think that is also a reason why I want to move to Germany later on in life. Or if my future boyfriend would like to come to/live in Ireland, I would probably stay here, because then I’ll have someone.
Well, I can imagine meeting up with Mila, maybe for a sleepover or just to spend the day together. I really hope everything goes well, and we arrive in Germany and then home to Ireland, safely. Yeah, hopefully all goes well.
I do think I am excited and we definitely need a holiday. Everyone has earned it during these times.
We’ll see how it turns out. I am curious and excited.
Thank you for reading, until then!
Diary Entry 10 June 2020
Yesterday our flight to Germany got cancelled. I felt better and relieved. Even though you’d usually be sad when something like this gets cancelled, I was the opposite. A huge burden fell off of me. Did I tell you that I didn’t have a great feeling about us going to Germany? Or that I thought we shouldn’t go there? Well, this feeling disappeared yesterday. I had that feeling since the day we booked the flights and that was many months ago. I talked to mom and told her that I always get signs when we shouldn’t go somewhere. Although, these signs were a little different. These signs weren’t that we “shouldn’t go there” but that we “won’t go there”. Mom said that I might just be scared of the flight itself, but that wasn’t quite it. Yes, I am afraid of flights, but those weren’t the signs I received.
When dad said the flights were cancelled, the feeling disappeared straight away and then I knew that was the answer to this feeling. Dad booked different flights yesterday evening, from the 5th to the 25th. The feeling didn’t come again, so I think everything will go well and safely. This morning our flight back got cancelled, but automatically moved to the 26th, so everything’s fine.
A different experience where I had the same feeling and knew something was going to happen, was last year before we flew to Germany. The plan was for me to fly to Germany with friends of the family for three weeks, before my immediate family would join. Even before we booked, I already had an unwell feeling. I always thought the plane would crash… until that one evening where we found out my great-granny had died. There and then, the feeling immediately dissolved. But it was terrible, I burst into tears. Therefore my mother travelled to Germany with me, as it was her granny. The funeral was lovely but very, very sad.
So I know when I have a feeling like this, it will only go away when I receive or find the answer. I know you can make up a lot and create the feeling in yourself, but so far the feeling only left when I searched for and found the answer.
