Diary Entry 2 October 2020
Before I start, I would like to say that I have watched this movie every day so far. It just makes me happy and suits me perfectly. The movie is called ‘After’ and it gives me what I don’t have, the feeling of having a boyfriend. It reminds me of what is truly important in life, and that is not school. I am very happy about it. The movie really is beautiful. I love it!
Today in school I sat in the Irish-Classroom and was about to start my homework, because I am exempt from Irish and therefore can do something else during that time. The teacher wasn’t there yet and that’s why the boys from the other Irish class joined us for fun, – the boys that are in my form and I have most of my classes with, or how I like to call them: “The bully boys”.
We are back in school for five weeks already and a new boy joined our class. The boy seemed very nice and friendly up to today. He behaved well and always did his homework. I thought he was different. I thought there was finally a good person in my class. It’s just too bad I was wrong.
So ‘the bully boys’ and the ‘new one’ came into our class. I just heard how they were screaming: “Come on, do it!” I ignored it, like I always did. Suddenly I heard a really loud bang. I got frightened so badly, that I automatically looked up. Everyone laughed and cheered. Even that passed by me because I was used to it already. But what didn’t pass by me was how I saw a fully shattered phone lying on the ground. I noticed how I almost started crying, so I quickly returned to my homework. But in reality, it hit me right in my heart, as though the phone that was broken, was actually my heart that was shattered.
I find it so horrible. How can you turn into someone like this. How can you do such things, just so you are a part of something? Just so you are not alone, but included in the ‘bully group’. I had to imagine how this friendly boy came home and told his parents that his phone fell down. He is just scared of them. He doesn’t want to be bullied. He doesn’t want to be the outsider and that’s why he did this. I find it so terrible. I find it so horrible. How can humans be like that? Why can’t everyone know who they are and be strong enough to show it? I feel so sorry for the boy. He made a huge mistake today. He could’ve decided for the good, but he didn’t. I’m so sorry for him.
In the last few days I had to watch how two friendly people decided to be a part of something, to belong to something, instead of finding their own true luck. Who decides to be broken down, instead of growing strong? That hurts me. And I wasn’t in a good mood for a while now anyway. It was all too much for me. I felt broken, I felt done, and still fought through the days.
I wasn’t in a good mood at home for the past few days, until I told mom what had happened. She also found it terrible. I felt like I was meant to text granddad, because I noticed how grateful I am for him, for helping me with my fears and how much I love him. The text was very, very long, but it was worth it, and it felt good to write him about what had happened. The message I received back from him, touched me so deeply that I had to cry out of happiness: “Rarely did I receive such a beautiful and, at the same time, sad letter. Who can write that? A wonderful human. I will answer you with a letter per post. Until then, my darling.” ‘Who can write that? A wonderful human’, this just proves again, I made the right decision not to become one of them, not to be like them. I cried so much out of joy. I love him so much, I never felt it that strongly before, but he was the person I had to tell this to, he was the right one.
Mom also told this story to a very nice colleague of hers, or should I say, – friend. She also had tears in her eyes when she heard it.
Thankfully I learned and am still learning to live in the present moment. That’s why I was able to fully enjoy this evening. We are all not in a great mood, but today we just totally went crazy and laughed the whole time. Now my weekend can start and I am so thankful for everything. How much I am looking forward to the weekend now!
Whenever you’re reading this, if it’s a weekend, bank holiday, vacation, work or school day, I hope you enjoy every moment of your life and think of the luck you have right in front of your eyes. I hope ye have a wonderful day and I thank you from my whole heart for reading this. Until the next time, Leona:)
