Diary Entry 10 October 2020
On Tuesday I stayed at home, as I had an appointment with ‘Cahms’. This was the last time I was going there. But it was quite good. We talked about my progress again and we found out that this man wasn’t the right one for my problems. That’s why I should go to someone else who can help me more. Apart from that, he suggested mom and dad should let me make decisions by myself, because anytime they give me their thoughts or opinions on a subject, it makes it harder for me to decide and it influences my decisions. Therefore they should let me decide fully by myself, so that I make mistakes or not, and can then learn from it.
In the evening mom and I had a skype call with a very famous Psychic, Matthias. I don’t even need to justify that he is capable of communicating with the dead or that he can see my future or what’s going on with me. He knew how I am currently going through a really hard time, he knew I was in contact with people abroad and he knew how my friend died – the one where I thought it was him who turned on the light from my ladybug lamp. He knew I was drawn to Germany, like to be around people and babies and have a connection with animals. Apart from that, he knew I am worrying and scared about my sexuality.
He told me – well he told me what my dead relatives told him to say – that I won’t be happier if I do home-schooling, but I will never have an easy time in school. Therefore, my future job – with kids or adults – will be related to the time I am going through now. He said it would be equally as challenging if I continue going to school or if I do home-schooling. He pointed out how I am a very sensitive and intuitive person and that’s how I know what the mood/atmosphere is like, or how someone feels before they tell me. And that I receive signs from angels and spirits.
My friend who died very young was there and said he checks up on me in between. My ‘guides’ suggested I should concentrate on my career first before a relationship, but that I should continue texting the person I like, – a boy, called Linus, whom I met when we lived in Germany. They supposed I would probably live and study abroad – probably in Germany, as ye know, I feel at home and drawn there. Matthias could see how I won’t be in a lot of relationships, but one where I truly love my partner and he truly loves me back. I will know him through and through and will know what’s going on with him, before he tells me, due to my sensitivity. He said that men and women will be interested in me, and that I will have to decide whom I want to go out with, but Matthias sees a man at my side. He asked me if I am in contact with someone abroad, and then I explained how I used to live in Germany and am still in contact with some of those people. I told him there are a few girls and one boy. He asked me if I like the boy and I answered with “yes”. Then he told me the boy also likes me and that something will develop between us in the future.
It made me really happy and I couldn’t believe it. But I did ask for signs before, if we were going to be in a relationship sometime, and the signs were always ‘yes’. I always felt drawn to him and I knew beforehand that something will develop between us. He is the only one with whom I feel totally comfortable, where I feel loved and at home. I can talk to him about everything. I can feel such an immense connection between us, that every time I get a message from him, I have to pull myself together and remember that we are not in a relationship, even though it feels like it to me sometimes. When Matthias told me that the person I text with likes me, for the first time in ages, I felt comfortable in my skin. For the first time I didn’t find the subject of sex disgusting, and apart from that I feel really uncomfortable towards any person I imagine having sex with, but with him I feel as though I have always been in a relationship with him. Mom and dad supposed the future can always change and I shouldn’t cling onto it, and yes, I know that the future can always change, but even before Matthias gave me confirmation, I held onto it. I hope deeply that it’s true what I feel and what he said, or else it would feel like I’d be going through a break-up even though I wasn’t even in a relationship. I think I am really holding onto it too much, but the feeling is so nice…
I asked Matthias if we always stay in heaven or if our current physical appearance disappears at some point and you have to go back to earth to get a new one. He supposed, the way the spirits are telling him, that you always stay in heaven with the body that you have now, except when you really messed up on earth, you didn’t make anything out of your life and are a bad person, then you usually have to go back or you have to work it off in heaven. Otherwise, you always stay in heaven unless you yourself decide to go back down to earth.
Sometime I hear negative voices in my head that scare me and tell me how I should do that and that so this and this doesn’t happen. He told me I should pray every night for my guides and angels to protect me from all negativity. I’ll do that from now on.
I won’t tell you all the information that mom received, but one thing I do want to say. Matthias was told by mom’s two dead grandmothers, that her dad is dealing with heart problems, and this was no surprise to us. Because of granddad getting angry a lot, he has heart and blood circulation problems. Mom’s grannies showed Matthias that a heart operation is going to happen in the future, but that it doesn’t mean he’ll die. They wanted to make it very clear that they will take care of it, and how we shouldn’t take on the responsibility. At first, it really shocked me. But obviously both of mom’s grannies wanted us to know this so we won’t get even more shocked when it actually happens, and so we already know that it doesn’t mean he’ll die.
In my last diary entry, I told you that grandad will write me a letter and that I noticed how much I loved him. The entry was before the call with Matthias. But the letter arrived yesterday (Friday). Every day I was happy about getting up in the morning and was excited because I knew I was going to receive a letter from Opa. The letter is really lovely and written from his heart. I was so happy about it, it helped me a lot and I didn’t know how I should thank him. But today I texted him a few nice and gratitude-filled sentences. At the end I added: “I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart! Please take care of yourself! I love you!” I really hope he takes care of himself better, but great-granny made it clear enough that we shouldn’t get involved and that she will take care of him, so I just wrote a little sentence that wasn’t particularly obvious.
What I have to remember is that the future can always change and I shouldn’t cling to anything, or else I will be too disappointed when it doesn’t happen. Anyway, I still hope we will date sometime… Hopefully I will learn not to hold onto it too much…
Until the next diary entry, lovely people. Thank you for reading. Leona 🙂
