Diary Entry 21 December 2020
Yesterday I wrote a poem for Christmas, although, it’s originally in German, so the translated version won’t fully sound like a poem:
“It is here
The time has come.
The feast of love
One misses the rest of the family
Alone or together
The pathways are banned.
From today to tomorrow
People you are born,
In your own luck,
As everyone gets a piece!
You have the choice,
realize it every time.
A poem to me
I wrote this for you:
Situated in the loneliness,
In a world full of togetherness.
The tears can’t be stopped
It’s like I’m in other bodies.
“Myself” I don’t feel like,
uncomfortable, scared, misunderstood.
I want to get away from here
Because I like it there.
Where exactly? – The human mind isn’t smart enough.
It doesn’t know
But somewhere there is a light.
I can feel it,
The angels lead.
I am shit and nothing special
Could mean I am so different.
I want to be that way
And I say again: I am alone.
My boyfriend is far away
I like him so much.
If something will develop in the future?
Or have I mistaken?
I hope not,
Because then in my heart, it’ll pain.
Trust God for the positive
And then watch the time.
One thing I know, I don’t belong here
Because I am different.
Am I? – I doubt a lot,
About everything more and more.
I don’t believe you (mom and dad, or anyone really) can help me, don’t take it to heart.
It’s also painful to me.
‘Sophie’s World’, the book and my diary are the only ones who understand me,
But maybe that will pass again.
Let’s leave it at that and accept it, until it is different.
You are not the only person who misses the old Me.
I also do.
For me it is very hard to put my feelings into words or to describe what’s going on inside of me when I don’t write it.
Then the person across from me is like a mirror,
It doesn’t get through and everything reflects back to me (and so I stand there alone again)
I want to apologise for everything
But I won’t promise I can change now.
I know this here wasn’t a wonderful song,
Apart from everything, I wish you a merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, positive, successful, wonderful new year!
Nothing will be the way it once was
Hopefully more positive, that’s for sure!
A beautiful feast,
Of course also for the rest!
I thank you,
Yours, Leona!”
I really am very proud of it. Yesterday it took me 150 minutes to write the suitable words onto a piece of paper. I am not sure yet if I want to read this out loud for Christmas, but it had to be in my diary.
Thank you and until the next Diary Entry. Leona!
