Diary Entry 19 April 2021
The first school-free week was wonderful! Mornings I woke up and I was so grateful I didn’t have to go there anymore. As I mentally saw the pupils walk past me and the teachers standing in front of their classes, a huge bourdon of negative emotions and thoughts fell off of me. I could breathe deeply, and it wasn’t hard for me to let go of the school and everything that was connected to it.
My maths teacher was the only one who texted me about what they are working on and learning in the next few weeks. Today (Monday) my woodwork teacher asked me if he could give my sister the exam so I could do it at home. So far, everything’s working out perfectly.
I am a little bored and I would like to have a big project to do – for example painting or so… That’s why I didn’t do much last week – except watch TV. But this will change soon!
During this free year, – I plan to send my first book to be proofread and corrected and then published. Of course I have to read over it beforehand and have to improve it – which I am not really in the mood to do, because I wrote so badly at the start which means there is a lot of work behind it, – but I could also make it comfortable for yourself and find enjoyment in it.
When we had to leave granny and granddads property to come home again, I cried heavily. The thing is, I didn’t want to cry, I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I was trapped in the crying and like always it didn’t help at all what mom said to me. I was really scared to come back here, as in this house so many bad and terrible things happened to me. I actually only had negative and shocking experiences here. I experienced the hardest time of my life here. I felt very frustrated when my crying didn’t stop. I wanted to feel luck and happiness forever. I didn’t want to be sad. I didn’t want to fall into the depressive hole again. I wanted to enjoy my life, feel good instead of feeling sad or fearful or pulled down. I wanted myself to feel well, but the sadness pulled me under and the more I wanted to stop, the stronger it became…
So, I didn’t want to come back here. As much as I like the room I have, I am not at home here. Since we are back, I talk a lot about the house and the property of my grandparents. When we were there for six weeks, I started to heal… I started feeling happiness again, – in a way I didn’t think was possible. Always when we drive there now, I go into the living room and a nice feeling fills my body; a good, positive feeling.
Now guess what news me and my sister’s received on Saturday… OMG. Mom and dad came into our living room, with a folded piece of paper, where my sisters and I were sitting. I already got nervous, because I knew we were about to receive great news. I don’t even remember what my parents said, I only stared at the sheet – something was printed and written onto it. I could recognise outlines of something… – A HOUSE! OMG! I knew that house! I knew it! And in that moment dad unfolded the paper: ‘The McDonagh family now live in this house’ was written on it in big writing. “Oh my God”, I held my mouth shut with both my hands. ‘No, no, no, that can’t be true, oh my God!’ I just thought… We aRe mOviNg InTo tHE hOuSe oF oUr GraNDpaRenTs! How unbelievable is that! I still can’t believe and grasp it up to today!
For years now my grandparents are planning to move into the smaller house (bungalow) on their property – the house closer to the lake – about 200 metres behind the big one, the one we are moving into now.
And for years we all wished to be able to rent the bigger house, – because we wouldn’t have enough money to buy it if they were to sell it (which they considered). One of our biggest dreams came true. We always wanted a big garden, and this house is perfect, – it is our childhood, our real home. The last few weeks of us living there were probably ‘testers’, to see if we feel comfortable there. It makes much more sense now – why I always talked about it, why we all felt so good there and lived there for a few weeks – it was all in my intuition, and it was all planned beforehand, it was meant to happen.
My granny always wanted to rent us the house, but Opa was difficult to get on board. First off, him and dad don’t have a good relationship, secondly, selling it would be easier, and there are probably lots of more reasons. But all that counts is that we got it now – thanks to Oma and Opa!
I can’t believe it… two huge positive occurrences happened to me in the space of a few weeks! It is wonderful. And guess what: which room is going to be my bedroom? Correct; the living room! How unbelievable. Now there is a big project ahead of us: all rooms in the house need to be painted and I love painting. Then we can move, the latest in October – it depends if granny and granddad decide to come to Ireland during the summer holidays or not, and that depends on Covid, or else we will move their stuff out ourselves and move in earlier.
I am so, so excited! In this room I will have so much space for all my friends! Hahaha, or better yet: imaginary friends! 🙂
I would’ve never thought such wonderful things would happen to me! I am indescribably grateful for everyone and everything! All my love, L.
