Diary Entry 11 December 2020
I just don’t know what I should write.
Maybe everything I am going through is normal. Maybe all teenagers go through this. Maybe everyone’s got it difficult. Maybe I make everything worse than it actually is. I’m probably imagining most of it. Why should I be something special when I don’t have a special gift or talent? I am just a human. Nothing about me is special. Nothing is unique. It just can’t be possible that all teenagers go through the same as me. Then, what I’m going through isn’t actually that bad. Then I’m just imagining it. Then I’m just exaggerating.
I’m in despair.
Can it really be true that I am just making things worse than they actually are, and I’m just imagining everything, and everyone goes through the same? Do I feel everything double as bad as them, because I make it double as bad? That can’t be true. That would be horrible.
It would be terrible for me to find out everyone goes through the same as me. That I exaggerate way too much. That everything isn’t actually as bad as it seems to me. That it is normal. That it is just the state of “being a teenager”.
But why do I perceive it as so horrible, then? Do all teenagers go through this? Is it normal that no-one understands me? Or does everyone understand me, but I just don’t accept it.
Have only I got no friends in school and no-one to talk to? Or is that not true, and I could easily make friends in school and talk to them about everything?
Is it normal that my parents don’t understand me? That they can’t help me? And that I am breaking and tearing from inside out, because I am alone and have no-one? Or do I have people, do my parents understand me and can they help me, but I just don’t let them help and don’t let them get close to me?
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy does it have to be like thissssssssssss????? I…. I don’t kn….. I have no ide……. I am……. broken
I’m sorry, I don’t have the strength to properly say goodbye to you. I am sorry.
