Diary Entry 28 September 2020
All the cells in my body are trembling. I watched a movie yesterday where all my cells felt stressed. The same thing happened, the first time I watched ‘Twilight’. I was so nervous and was so excited to see what would happen next and it felt like I was inside the movie. This is exactly what also happened yesterday evening. I watched a very nerve-wracking and lovely movie. I was scared something might happen which I didn’t want to see. I was continuously nervous of what was going to happen next. I was so tense and so deep into the movie, that I didn’t even notice my fingernails digging into my skin the whole time, because my hand was stiffened into a fist. I forgot everything around me. It was as if I were going right through the movie. My cells felt heavily stressed, which wasn’t good. My whole body was shivering and is still shivering, due to me watching the movie again this morning, because I thought it was so beautiful. With ‘Twilight’ the same thing occurred the first few times I watched it. I already had to use the toilet four times today and my stomach is totally flat, because my cells are under immense stress. I have a light headache, stomach pain and my whole body is shivering, as if I have a fever. It’s not a nice feeling and it’s really unnerving for my body. I’m not sure when it will go away again or what will happen now, but I hope it will go away fast and I can concentrate on my life again, because tomorrow is Monday, and I can’t live inside the movie when I’m in school. (Side note: when I initially wrote this paragraph, I intentionally left out the movie title because I was ashamed. But now, for anyone wondering, the movie I watched was called ‘After’)
It wasn’t actually planned for me to tell you about this, I actually wanted to inform you about mine and Alana’s ‘ghost experience’. It sounds stupid somehow, but it was a very nice experience for me, as I believe for a long time that someone is always in my room and around me. Before we moved to Australia, we also lived in Ireland (I was born here and lived here until I was eight, before moving to Australia and then to Germany) and went to the same primary school as when we moved back from Germany. I had a very good friend there, almost like a boyfriend… anyway, we liked each other a lot. We got along great and always had fun together. Sadly he passed away due to an accident shortly after we had moved countries. At that age I couldn’t fully understand what it meant and that’s why I didn’t cry. But now I miss him so much, as if it were yesterday where we danced to the song ‘Gangnam Style’ and hid behind the bouncy-castle so we could be alone. I think of him every day and feel like something is keeping us connected. I know he is around me. I know he’s with me every day, every second of my being. Sometimes I talk to him, but I think I am just imagining what he is replying. At night I see shadows and outlines of him, but that might also just be my imagination. I am filled with the feeling of love when I think of him and am currently writing about him. He is my best friend, he is the sort of friend and person, I wish my partner in the future to be like. I can’t describe how much I love him, even though I didn’t receive the confirmation that he is around me and that it is him whom I feel these emotions towards. But I wouldn’t know who else it could be. He makes me happy and I don’t understand how that’s possible, because he is dead, but somehow more alive than all of us. On the sixth of October, mom and I will have a Zoom call with a Psychic called Matthias. I am very excited to see if Matthias confirms that my childhood best friend is around me. I hope so.
The reason why I told you about him before I got to the ‘ghost story’ is because I think it was him. I’ll start: Alana slept in my room, because our brother, Carson, is visiting and he always sleeps in Alana’s room whenever he’s here. For many years already, I have a plastic ladybug lamp that shines stars onto the ceiling when it is dark. The ladybug has four different colours that you can turn on. First we wanted to keep the ladybug on while trying to fall asleep, but then we decided to turn it off. So I flicked through all colours until it turned off. Alana and I stared at it. After a few seconds the ladybug turned on again by itself. We couldn’t believe it and started screaming. I got tears in my eyes because somehow it was creepy, but at the same time really beautiful. We told the ghost: “If there is a ghost in here, then the next time we flick through all the colours, the ladybug should stay off.” And what happened when we flicked through the colours? It stayed off. We were stunned and didn’t know if we should find it scary or nice. I have this ladybug since over three years and it NEVER turned on by itself, EVER! It had to be a spirit, it had to. You know who I think it was, and what you also know is that I am doubtful if he is with me or not, and maybe this was meant to be the sign. I really am excited to see what Matthias will say on the sixth of October.
I know that there is always someone around me, just like everyone has a ‘protector’, but I’m just not certain if it is him. So whenever you feel alone, just like I sometimes do; now you know that you are never really alone, even if you can’t physically see the person that’s around you!
Thank you so much for being there! Until the next time! Yours, Leona! 🙂
